Ways to find peace after the death of a loved one

Are you at the point in your grievance work where you would like that torturous pain to go away? Is it wearing you down and you just know you’ll never feel joy again? And does it seem to persist and return each day with that same deep feeling of emptiness?

How long will the horrible angish last? Nobody can tell you, because each complaint is unique. And as you know, pain reduction begins and ends when you are ready to face it. This is what others have done to find peace of mind, allow the pain to come and go, but continue to love the departed and keep them alive in their hearts. Taking action in one of these areas can ease your pain and eventually lead to inner peace.

1. Try to spend your time with people who are big-hearted, open-minded, and have consistently been able to take the big knocks in life. They are the ones who recover and continue to embrace life and reinvest in the world. Learn how they do it. They may or may not be in your family. Look anywhere, even in today’s tort books written by those who have survived great loss. They have many ideas that you can use.

2. Love more. It’s so easy to forget in the fast-paced culture we live in that love has a profound impact on every person; it is one of the absolute essentials of life. His power shapes and influences. The need to be part of a greater whole, of value to others, or very close to a few, is a reality that changes lives in dramatic ways. You can love more in two ever-expanding ways: Continue to show love for the deceased, as well as for those you come in contact with on a daily basis.

Loving in parting will include memorials, token recollections at family gatherings, even speaking to the deceased as you see fit. Showing more love for others is expressed in being more tolerant and understanding of those with whom you disagree, less coercive and more cooperative, consistently kind and respectful to everyone, regardless of their station in life. These are tough commands, but part of a social heritage guaranteed to bring peace into your life.

3. Never treat failure as an enemy. If you want inner peace, see failure as learning something that brings you closer to your goal. Don’t beat yourself up over a mistake or weakness, especially when you’re grieving. As a former college basketball coach, I used to tell my players to make as many mistakes as they wanted, but not to make the same mistake twice. Separate the factors that lead to error, learn from them and move on with a fresh perspective. We all have many failures (learning) ahead.

4. Join a group. As difficult as it may be right now, think of a group you’d like to be a part of and figure out what their goals are. If you have no idea of ​​a group, go to your Sunday paper and look at the local section and the various group meetings for the week. Attend a few meetings and give yourself time to adjust to the new environment.

You will be surprised at what new interests or hobbies may catch your eye. It will stimulate your thinking in new directions. Among other things, membership in a group will satisfy a universal need and help you focus outside of yourself.

5. Determine what you value most and use your energy expenditure to support that value. Think about it for a while, even if you feel like life has no purpose for you right now. Work patiently to let go of those thoughts, images, and emotions that are massive energy drains. Do you know what they are. It could be toxic people or places. It could be wasteful old clothes. Perhaps even a lack of self-discipline. You may have to let go of an old dream and create a new one. Decide what is most important and start building on what you value.

In short, making changes always starts from within, with a very small step. Finding peace of mind is first and foremost an inner commitment you make to yourself; for now, make it your top priority even if your complaint is still fresh. The journey is arduous at times, and it will take everything you have to avoid the seemingly insurmountable obstacles to inner peace.

You can get through them by hanging out with successful coping types who love a lot, shake off failures and come back to life, and never stop learning. You can do the same in your own way, at your own pace. This does not mean that you will ever go back to being your old self. It means that you can find peace and love and at the same time accept the fact that grief is coming back, but you don’t have to constantly live in the shadow of your great loss.