Top 10 tips to charm people with your charisma
Charisma is essentially intangible. Despite this, you will always know when you are in the presence of a charismatic person, because they have the ability to attract your attention in a way that someone without that personality trait would have a hard time doing. Charisma, like charm, is indefinable, but you know it when you experience it in action: you leave an encounter knowing that you have been with someone extraordinary and special. In essence, they make you feel like you’re the most important person in the room. Compare and contrast that with so many people you know who seem to be looking over your shoulder to see if they’re missing something across the room or if there’s someone more important to talk to.
I want to quote an article about actor Will Smith that I came across during a recent trip to the United States:
“Spend seven seconds sitting across from Will Smith and you’ll find out why he’s a superstar. He’s charming and thoughtful, observant and intelligent, without ever seeming to try. When he talks, he makes eye contact; when he laughs, he takes over his entire life.” Although he seems carefree, he didn’t end up where he is by accident: Smith is always in charge, on point, and thinking ahead.”
Not everyone is lucky enough to be born charismatic, but with a little effort, you can develop it to a significant degree. Here are 10 tips to help you do it.
1 The overwhelming majority of communication is non-verbal. Often their body language speaks louder than their words. Research has shown that only 7% of comprehension comes from the listening part of a conversation. Therefore, displaying positive body language is absolutely essential. Your posture is very important: People who slouch or slouch their shoulders send negative messages. Smile and look people in the eye when you communicate. Nod frequently to show that you’re listening, and try to give them time to finish their sentences before jumping in with what you want to say.
2 Develop your communication skills: speak and write with style. Speaking with confidence is not a gift that everyone possesses, but everyone can develop it. pitch, cadence, use of pauses, speed of speech; emphasizing certain words, sometimes repeating key words; lack of ‘uhs’ and ‘ums’ and ‘you know’ and avoiding jargon; vary the number of words in successive sentences; and, not least, the vocabulary: all of these contribute to his style of expression and many to his particular style of writing. Think of Barack Obama compared to John McCain. Neat writing can be achieved with practice and says a lot about you as a person. Challenge yourself to download dictionary.com and learn a new word every day and try to use it.
3 Develop an individual style of ‘being’: in what you wear, how you behave, etc. This helps establish your ‘presence factor’, the impact you have on the people you meet, the first impression you create. It requires being particular about everything you do, whether it’s ordering a particular kind of tea (eg Assam or Earl Grey) or coffee (double espresso macchiato instead of instant latte), your favorite drink (Balvenie double malt wood in rather than ‘whiskey’.) It means that you dress smartly and stylishly, not necessarily flashy, but always clean, with shoes shined, hair done, and nails cleaned. For women who wear flashy jewelry, for men a flashy tie will make people remember you.
4 Charismatic people convey the message that they are ‘authentic’: authentic people are more likely to be trusted. Authentic people have the courage of their convictions. To be authentic, always follow through on your promises/actions: do what you say, don’t just talk. Follow up on contacts, if promised, the next day and think about who you know who might be a helpful contact for people you just met. Always deliver more than you promise, never disappoint. Believe in your cause, believe in yourself.
5 Make everyone you meet feel important. Be generous with praise without being flattering. Be warm but be genuine. Get involved with people, find a point of relationship with each and every person: make people feel good about themselves and good about you. Pick an accent or look at a piece of jewelry and ask a question about it—it’ll break the ice when you’re both a little inhibited or nervous.
6 A sense of humor is key, but never at the expense of others. Convey an image of love for life, of being fun to be around, of being playful. Above all, don’t take yourself or life too seriously: life can be depressing, but that doesn’t mean you have to be depressed! Don’t tell jokes unless you feel very confident in your speech and remember the punchline!
7 Be the master of your domain: prepare your topic thoroughly – develop your experience, skills and knowledge. Work to eliminate areas of weakness. Do not leave anything to chance. If possible, before a meeting or event, try to find out the guest list, see if there is anyone you know or would like to meet. Find out a little about them and impress them a lot when you meet them and ask about one of their favorite interests or recent achievements.
8 Passion: Being passionate requires you to be enthusiastic, spontaneous, challenging and energetic. It’s what excites you and gets your adrenaline flowing. One thing that draws a crowd and makes someone the center of attention is a person who exhibits that kind of passion.
9 Persistence: Charismatic people do not take no for an answer. Like the legendary Pacman, if they can’t get around an obstacle, they go over it, under it, or even through it. To give up is not an option. Finding the ‘tipping point’ is: looking for the often small ‘adjustment’ that will get you over the threshold. Being persistent will impress the person who is being difficult or evasive.
10 Above all, have the courage of your convictions: be prepared to take smart and considered risks (within reason) to get where you want to be. Be prepared sometimes to take a step into the unknown: feel the fear of finding your extended self, but do it anyway. Changing your life can be so much fun and can be so inspiring and worthwhile!
Challenge yourself to significantly raise your charisma table!