The ultimate guide for commitment-phobic men

Commitment-phobic men are masters at keeping you hooked in deceptive ways.

Almost every woman has dated at least one commitment-phobic man in her life. They are the ones who make you wait for the day when they will finally agree to live with you or marry you or commit exclusively to you. But they never do. When you meet them, they are hard to resist because they complement you and appeal to your vanity. And they lie. They lie about being in love with you, they lie about wanting to date you long term, they lie about not wanting just a sexual adventure. And they don’t care.

Here are examples of commitment-phobic male behavior:

• You go out for a week and he tells you that he loves you, the next week you don’t hear from him again
• You date for a month and he tells you he only wants to go out with you, then you find out that a friend saw him flirting at a party with someone else… the night he was too tired to go out with you.
• You live with him for 8 years and he still hasn’t married you.
• He still doesn’t call you his girlfriend and sees his mom more than he sees you, after a year of dating.

Commitment-phobic men are men who cannot commit to you with the emotional intimacy of marriage or cohabitation because they are emotionally attached to someone or something else that makes emotional intimacy with you impossible.

I know you’re thinking right now, “But how do I avoid these men when I don’t know if a guy is commitment-phobic until after I’ve been dating for weeks or months?

It’s actually easy to spot a commitment-phobic man when you first meet him, just by talking to him for a short period of time, before you even go out with him. You just need to know what behavioral traits to look for. You need to focus on certain signs a guy gives you that are indications of commitment phobic issues. These “red flags” are obvious when you know what they are. But even if she knows what they are, she must muster the inner strength to ignore the charismatic charm of a commitment-phobic man, the allure of his compliments, and her codependent desire to care for him.

Don’t even give a guy like this a chance dating him even once, if possible. Once you date him, he will trap you with his deceitful bag of tricks and manipulate you into a comfortable, false sense of emotional intimacy by telling you “You are the woman I always dreamed of finding.”

It is important to be aware of the ploys and manipulative behavior of these men. They have the ability to make a woman feel a “codependent” need to care for them by appealing to her need to feel special by caring for others. They paint themselves as helpless victims of past love relationships, past failed jobs, and abusive parents; and this makes a woman feel vulnerable to wanting to “fix” her life and be the one to finally make them happy.

If you were the only one in your family who tended to the emotional needs of your parents or siblings, you will be easily drawn into the world of a commitment-phobic man. I suggest you read books on codependency by Melodie Beatty and learn what codependency is. It’s important to know if you’re susceptible to the allure of commitment-phobic men because of your codependent behavioral upbringing.

Commitment-phobic men hide behind a charming and flattering personality toward women that completely camouflages how they really feel on the inside. Behind the charming facade of a commitment-phobic man’s outer personality is a man who wants to control, cheat and abuse women. They are not happy with their lives and often blame a woman from her past for ruining it. Of course, this guilt started with his mother and has now been transferred to another woman in his life. But they usually don’t realize that the first seed of hatred for women, and desperate need for them, began with his mother.

These men do not trust women, like women, they do not respect women or admire women, they hate women. Many of these men are victims of verbal and sexual abuse as children. They have mothers who made their lives miserable, and now they will let their anger and resentment out on you.

When you first meet a commitment-phobic man, he will have certain behavioral traits that creep into his fawning facade toward you. It’s important to view these traits as red flags pointing out how potentially disastrous dating such a man can be. These initial behavioral traits may seem innocent enough, but they are telltale signs of bigger problems to come. I call them Stage One Behavioral Traits because this is the behavior you might pick up on when you first meet or date a commitment phobic.

Stage 1 behavioral traits of commitment-phobic men:

Behavior Trait #1: Will single out insecure women who need attention and compliments to feel good about their life. Then he will say something to a woman that is slightly inappropriate about how sexually attractive she looks. This helps them find the woman who will put up with her problems because her self-esteem is tied to someone else’s opinion of her. This is the type of woman they can control. The woman who doesn’t walk away in disgust is his next victim.

Behavioral Trait #2 You will maintain the truth about your past life, your finances, your past relationships, your relationship with your mother, and how you really feel about your commitment. The real him will be well hidden from your outside view. Most commitment-phobic men have deep feelings of shame about themselves and their life and will hide that shame by doing things to cover up the truth about their life.

A commitment-phobic guy I dated didn’t have a decent car, so he used his mom’s car to impress me, but he never told me he was using her car until a month after she dated him. Another guy I dated took me to an expensive restaurant on a first blind date and constantly tipped the waiters with big bills. Then I realized on the second date that he really couldn’t afford to be that extravagant when I saw his “down and out” lifestyle of him. He had to give me the false impression that he had a lot of money, as if tonight was going to cloud my ability to see his dreary apartment.

There’s nothing wrong with a guy wanting to impress you on a date by taking you to a nice restaurant or driving his parents’ car. But there’s something wrong with a guy deliberately presenting himself as someone he’s not just to prevent you from getting to know the real him. If he has to hide facts about his life from you, he’s not being honest, regardless of his reason. Unfortunately, many women who first date commitment-phobic men catch a scam and then make excuses as to why she did it. They don’t realize that once you accept any deception, you will be dealing with lies and bigger secrets to come.

Behavioral Trait #3: You can never have a conversation with him about what your relationship goals are. He will act awkward and sometimes visibly upset. If you feel like he’s not open to a future that includes the kind of commitment you’re looking for from a man, don’t consider dating him. Men who don’t commit to relationships will show you by their facial expression and demeanor, when you bring up the topic of commitment, that it’s a topic they’re not interested in discussing. You have to realize that he has commitment issues when he freezes up when you talk about what you are looking for in a long-term relationship. And if he tells you that he never wants to get married, he’s doing you a huge favor. Believe him and don’t think you can change him, no matter how much he tells you “you are the woman of his dreams”. Don’t even consider being the one to be that loving wife he never found. Remember this: With commitment-phobic men, it’s not just what they say that matters; it is their attitude on certain issues and what you feel they are keeping from you. It’s that unsettling feeling in your gut that this guy isn’t being totally honest with you.

If you continue to date a guy like this, you have accepted behavior that already sets the tone for how he will continue to treat you, that he will focus on what matters to him. Many women feel they don’t have the right to talk about their relationship needs when they first meet a guy. They feel that they will scare the guy because he will immediately think that they want to marry him. Wrong! This is the time when you should talk about what you want in life. If you don’t tell a guy that you want to get married and have kids one day, you’re giving up your right to expect everything to work out for him. Commitment-phobic men waste no time with women who confidently declare that they want to get married and have children. It is the surest way to see them disappear.

Behavioral Trait #4: Another surefire sign that a guy is commitment-phobic is when he will never do anything on time and will always change your date and time or be late for your date. He will never agree with your suggestion about the date either. If you make a decision about the movie you want to see or the restaurant you want to go to, he will want to try a different one. If you accept this behavior, he will continue to act controlling towards you, never focusing on pleasing YOU in the relationship. Of course, he may not notice these early signs when he keeps telling you how beautiful you are and how he can’t wait to make love to you. He won’t bother you that he’s always late when he flatters you all the time, right? He is establishing control in the relationship; one that gives you the right to dictate to him what the terms of the relationship will be. And those terms will not include engaging with you.

Behavior trait #5: He will make you feel like the most beautiful woman on the planet. He will fill you with his desire for you and compliment you to the extreme. He will tell you that you are the only woman who understands him, who makes him feel such an intense attraction, and that he knows that he will fall in love with you because you are the woman of his dreams (if he is not already in love with you). . This is all to distract you from getting to know the real person behind those accolades, seeing all those deceptions and false pretenses.

Behavioral Trait #6: He will have a dependent personality, which means he will need you to take care of him and will only appreciate you when you do things for him. He will paint himself as a victim of life with bad luck and mean and cruel women. “Thank God he has finally found you” will be his motto. That is, until he gets bored with you and moves on to someone else. And even if he doesn’t, he will never commit to you or fill you up emotionally. He will lump you in with all those other cruel women who never understand or care about him. And all you will feel when he moves on is how much you were used and unappreciated.

It’s easy to spot a commitment-phobic man when you look at these behavioral traits. Usually the first behavioral trait is hard to spot until you’ve dated him for a while and realized the truth about his life and his past. But the other behavioral traits show up right away: his constant barrage of compliments and making you feel like you’re the woman of his dreams; his first inappropriate comment to you about his physical appearance (or inappropriate touching); her victim mentality about past relationships; his reluctance, almost angry, to talk about commitment in a relationship, his constant control of how the two of you spend your time together, always being late and wanting to change plans and never letting you decide what to do on a date.

These behavioral traits may seem harmless and insignificant, but they are warning signs that serious trouble is ahead.

Watch the signs, and when you do, close the door on his chance to date you. You deserve a man who offers you much more.