My first guru, Father Francis
But oh! How far do I have to go to find you in Whom I have already come?Thomas merton
Francis Rouleau (1901-1984), a Jesuit priest, was my spiritual advisor from the late 1960s until his death in 1984. He was a masterful spiritual director, and we could talk about anything and even disagree, but most of all we hugged. and we embraced. particular “worlds” with great esteem, interest and affection. We didn’t care if we looked bad, which was weird to me. Said, “Let’s lift each other up in the Lord, Jesus, the Sacred Heart. And let’s be real.”
We had in progress horn ad cor conversations about our adventures, meditation, the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius, Eastern religion, relationships, work and money, activism, theology, love for the poor and his monumental writing on the history of the Jesuits in China. We explore the Ignatian approach of “Finding God in all things” – “Do what you are doing” – “Be contemplative in action”. Francis held in high esteem the mystical traditions of all religions. I told him about my attraction to Vedanta and Buddhism since my high school days in Los Angeles. He shared some experiences with Buddhism when he was living in China.
Francis once surprised me when he said that it was a good thing that some Jesuit seminarians were falling in love while doing their studies. It was natural to fall in love and then be open to continue learning what love is and be willing to choose wisely then between a religious or lay life, both worthy, dignified by the heart and the wisdom with which you live them.
“Falling in love should teach these seminarians the nature of an authentic love of God and of oneself. Too often this love is rationalized, formalistic abstractions, a love suffocated by internal tensions, self-centeredness, petty motives, the projection of the ego and something. of a dichotomy in their lives. The true love of God is the total departure of the self towards another Person, an outburst of the complete personality, the whole body-mind that we are … not only of the mind, but of the heart, of the affectivity, of our personality-corporeality, explosive of the whole being “.
Francis introduced me to Karl Rahner, SJ (March 5, 1904 – March 30, 1984) and I greatly admired his teaching of “always, now” being open to experiencing God’s Self-Communication, the transcendent yet intimate Mystery, that is. always and now Here. The meaningful communications of spirituality are related to an original experience (unique to each person) of the Mystery, felt by the heart, full of grace, but not degrading of our ego, non-dualistic. Rahner spoke of a mysticism of everyday life: we meet God, not only in deep mystical encounters, but also in the ordinary. “The simple and honestly accepted daily life contains in itself the eternal and silent mystery, which we call God and his secret grace.”
Francis heard my intense interest from 1972 to 1977 in exploring Eastern religion, Alan Watts, Ram Dass, Suzuki Roshii, Chogyam Trunpa, and other teachers roaming the spiritual supermarket. I told Father Francis that I was not a worshiper of gurus, but a serious and reverential student of expert teachers. No doubt, to varying degrees, cults abounded. Francis told me that all religious organizations, including Jesuits, have cult tendencies (in the negative sense). He stressed how important it was to do spiritual exercises that suit him, not exercises created artificially for “all limbs.”
“Don’t let the chanting / ritual / Vedanta-Buddhist-Guru theology of India induce you to worship the guru as an exclusive god or any chronic cult community (saying we are the only true ones); to say that I have se realized God or even ‘I am That’ never means any exclusive title to be God. “
Francis did not approve of my favor for free sexual love and rock n ‘roll, religion / alternative lifestyles, currents of those hippie times that I happily (sometimes quite naively) let myself be swept away. He scolded me for going through a promiscuous phase in my life. “You’re being too selfish, I’d say … But we discern more together, maybe I’m missing something from this experiment of yours.” He told me: “Don’t forget: I am of the old school. “I teased him:” This is all temporary. “And of course he did. But his criticism was not severe when we were together. Francis valued Buddhist teaching but felt that God is personal as Jesus demonstrates. He spoke ecstatically about the goodness of God and that goodness that shines in each person. Being with him was like Satsang, Words and Silence, with a Master. The entire afternoon disappeared as if it were timeless in his humble office and room in Los Gatos, California. The light shone on him like on the face of a happy child. “I love being alive,” exclaimed Francis.
Sometimes he spoke of his own loneliness. “Loneliness is often painful in my condition as a crippled body … I pray to overcome self-pity and discouragement.” He said that excessive self-pity takes away your sensitivity to God’s presence. Francis told me when he felt a lot of physical and psychological pain; He was especially affected by a superficial community life. Once he wept freely. “My community does not communicate heart to heart as much as I would like. My heart feels open, but there is little interest in really sharing, lack of enjoyment of God’s gifts together.”
Father Francis observed that his self-compassion, if accepted and treated with kindness, was like spiritual food, food to surrender to the Light, our Source always creating us and drawing us to that eternal Grace. “Spiritual exercises are as important as eating my meals.” I couldn’t always understand him, but his presence was deeply peaceful. Sometimes we just sit in silence. “We do a lot, and that’s okay, it’s important, but we must to be So much too, I just know Isn’t it a pleasure to spend time together? “
Francis made me feel that our humanity was more important than our religious practice. He encouraged me to continue to be interested in human rights in the world. He wanted to know about my participation in meetings of Chinese university students to promote human rights in China. He heard about the César Chávez union movement and was interested in the Jesuit projects in Mexico and Central America that I visited.
And how Francisco loved China! Preaching deep respect for the inviolability of the human person; spoke out against injustices in China. He forgave, but he did not forget or stop talking. He called for real change and was interested in the community organization in which some of the Jesuits were involved. He was optimistic that the kindness and intelligence of the Chinese would increasingly permeate political institutions. But sometimes he would say, “I don’t know.”
Francis had been through the Japanese invasion of China and then the Communists, time in the Philippines and Rome and 21 years in Los Gatos, California, where I would meet him so often. In China, Francis collected written resources about the Jesuits in China and topics such as the Mass in the vernacular. Ed Mowrey writes about this time: “When the Communists arrived in Beijing, Francis’s superior told him to take all his work, thousands of pages of handwritten notes, hundreds of microfilms that he had collected from around the world in eight languages. different., etc. – told him to take them all, throw them into the oven and destroy them. He did it without hesitation. “
The purpose of Saint Ignatius Spiritual exercises it is learning to give up “excessive attachments.” Francis had that spiritual quality of detachment in its most passionate sense. His religion did not protect him from a wounded heart but his love and wisdom allowed him to live. “Live life fully, that’s the point.” Although he did tell me how some of his fellow Jesuit priests suffered in Chinese prisons, he did not tell me much about his years in China, but then he would read and learn more from the book. Celestial Dragon by Barry Martinson (Taipei Ricci Institute, 1998).
Francis’s first job was as a reporter for Yakima, the Washington daily. A case of rheumatic fever (with a debilitating heart effect on him) halted his plan to accept an appointment at the Naval Academy, Annapolis, Maryland. His sickbed became a kind of monastery cell and he decided to become a Jesuit priest. He was later disabled by pain from severely active rheumatoid ankylosing spondylitis (spinal arthritis). I still marvel at the creative energy, humor, courage, beautiful humanity, love, and wisdom that it generated over the years. I am always grateful.