Create a happy list to deal with getting fired, negative friends, dealing with a broken relationship

Here’s a list-building system that will help you focus on what matters most to you and make you feel like an eagle soaring instead of a caged bird banging its little head against bars.

If you are dealing with the loss of a loved one, grievances, anger, unhappiness, stress, my corporate job, my boss, my coworkers, this will help you. Learn to handle dismissal, to overcome a broken heart, to clear and change limiting beliefs. A list keeps you focused to achieve what you want.

1. Know the purpose of your list. Regardless of what ends up on your list, being clear about your purpose will help keep you from losing sight of why you’re pursuing your goals in the first place. And sometimes some of the steps to achieve your list aren’t always pretty. Remembering your goal can help you stay motivated when you work overtime so you can be on a beach in Fiji in 6 months.

2. Consider what already makes you happy. List-building can be caused by anxiety, but when you can consider what’s already working for you, you’ll find it easier to come up with a short, focused list that reflects where you want to go next. Focus on who you are when you’re at your best, then build on that.

3. Make sure your goals are things you are pursuing for yourself. When the items on your list are motivated and fit with your values, rather than something you think you should do, you’ll feel much more liberated.

4. Focus on doing, not having. Studies show time and time again that money and material things are no guarantee of happiness. Happiness is about the quality of moments in life. People matter more than things. When you follow that, the money comes automatically.

5. Include goals that require fun to achieve. Let’s say your goal is to exercise more so you can feel healthier and look toned. You know the stair master will get you in shape faster than a round of golf, but you despise cardio machines. So choose golf. You’ll be happy on the ninth hole climbing to nowhere.

6. Phrase your list in a way that exhilarates and excites you. People are less likely to succeed when they try to avoid something rather than pursue something. For example, instead of saying that you will stop dating jerks, say that you will make sure that you only date nice men.

7. Break down your goals. Avoid panic by first focusing on what you can do to achieve your short-term dream. Address the long term later.

8. Reread your list and notice how it makes you feel. If any item creates a sense of dread, rewrite it until it sounds tempting. If you can’t, leave it off your list.

9. Be prepared to ball up your list and empty it out. The items on your list should be flexible so that you can respond to various life circumstances as they unfold. Think of your list as a guide, not a hard and fast contract.