The reward for being a good parent is bigger than money.

My life has been blessed in many ways, but my greatest blessing was the opportunity to be a father. I have raised my son as a single parent since he was one year old. There are many philosophies regarding what constitutes a good parent, but my experience is that it’s really simple to define. Above all, it was about personal sacrifice, and in addition to sacrifice, I was willing to work hard to achieve my goal, which was to produce the best man possible.

Fathering a child well is an experience for which a man does not get a second chance. Forgetting for the moment all imaginable excuses for not doing it right, your responsibility to your child is completely unlimited. Forget the fantasy that once your child leaves for college, he’s done for. You are never done, but the nature of your relationship with him becomes a loving friendship. Nothing, including your career, takes precedence over being the best parent you can be. All of your child’s needs are yours to meet or not to meet. Giving up a Saturday morning ball game with your friends to spend time with your child is a sacrifice your child will remember for the rest of his life. Create the memories that you and your child will always share.

Nothing I have accomplished in my life comes close to the joyful feeling I have in my heart of constantly doing the best I can for my son. There is a fallacy that suggests that the quality of time spent with a child is more important than the quantity. My experience suggests that it is both. Since he was a single father, he was the only father he could trust. Co-parenting parents should also consider sacrificing their own agendas in favor of their child’s needs.

I coached their football and baseball teams, baked cookies for school events, drove on school outings, and hosted my sleepovers. I carefully supervised his education and increased it when necessary.

I set realistic limits for both of us around appropriate behavior. I showed respect for their personal preferences in music, hairstyles, clothing, and friends. That didn’t mean that I approved of everything he wanted to do, but rather that I took the time to understand what he wanted to do and tried to steer him in a positive direction. When I couldn’t, and it was clear to me that he was on a dangerous path, I was a good father, which meant that he was willing to be unpopular and make tough decisions. He didn’t need me to be his friend; he needed me to be his father.

I also didn’t try to make it a version of me. I allowed our differences of opinion on politics, career goals, and whatever else. When he graduated from high school and decided that he wasn’t ready to go to college, but wanted to join the Marine Corps, we spent hours talking about his reasons for enlisting. I didn’t try to talk him out of choosing him, but he wanted me to articulate his reasons for wanting to enlist. He needed my signature because he was only seventeen.

I sat down with his recruiting sergeant and found out that the toughest school the Marines offered was computer repair for surface-to-air missiles. I signed on the condition that my son receive that specific training. Since it was mostly about computers, my son came out three years later with strong computer skills.

He enrolled in college full time and received his BS in Economics. Because I promised to pay his bills before he became a Marine, I paid for college, but I also insisted that he work part-time. He ended up working thirty hours a week and carrying a full load. The Marines taught him discipline. He got his first job after graduation, in Denver, a plane flight away. He was heartbroken, but he reminded me that this was his life to live, not mine. I raised him to be independent, and he was.

My son and I have had a non-stop loving relationship for his forty-four years. My grandson is seven years old and I notice that my son is a better father than me. My relationship with my father had been violent and neglectful, and I was determined to be a better father and man. I couldn’t be more proud of my son. I recently told him that he was the father I wished I had.

All the sacrifices I have made seem insignificant compared to the joy I have received. I wouldn’t change being a father for anything. If you’re a new parent, push yourself and be able to say the same about your child when he gets older. No matter your career or other life experiences, nothing rivals the feeling of having a child who loves you and appreciates what you have done for him.