Once a cheater, always a cheater? Five signs to help you know

So you have been misled. It was devastating, like being kicked in the stomach and thrown into the gutter. You couldn’t eat or function at work. Or maybe you were up all night watching old movies, crying, and eating pints of Ben & Jerry’s. The adventure creates so much anguish and pain that you don’t want it to happen again. Definitely never again.

Questions are very important. Is the cheater going to cheat again? Its a big problem. Should you trust again or not? Is it true, “Once a cheater, always a cheater”? You may feel torn, as if you want to win back your cheating partner, but you feel it is a point of pride not to do so. You think, maybe you should dive back into that online dating group, start looking for some great profiles, and forget about it all. Or maybe not.

Well, I have some fundamental information for you: Research studies show that even among married couples, cheating is relatively common: about 22% of men and 13% of women cheat. According to recent studies, even spouses who describe themselves as “happy” in their marriage have affairs.

But the good news is this: Many people who are in romantic relationships who have decent chemistry and benefits for both partners can really get through the crisis of affairs. Not only that, they can get closer and put an end to the traps once and for all. This means that, “Once a cheater, always a cheater” is simply not true. There are people who learn and grow from the painful emotional hurricane and the loss of closeness in the relationship that are the aftermath of deception.

Of course there are gamers or sex addicts who will cheat and cheat and cheat again. These are the ones you really should be aware of. How do you know if you are a chronic cheater? Here are five signs that your cheater is not a chronic case and that the relationship is still hopeful:

1. Your partner is really sorry and regrets that he cheated. Look for sincere apologies that ring true when you hear them.
2. Your partner breaks contact with your lover.
3. The cheater shows a renewed appreciation and devotion to you.
4. You end up having deep, open and honest conversations with each other about your relationship, what it lacked, and where you would like to take it in the future.
5. Your partner wants to enter psychotherapy or counseling, either individually or with you, to understand his own dynamics and to make your relationship better and more intimate.

If the cheater is showing these signs and the relationship is good for you in many ways, consider getting your partner back. A word of caution: if your partner continues the affair or starts a new one, despite showing the above signs, he may be dealing with a gamer or a sex addict.

And how do you know if the deception is repeated? Here are some common signs:

or he / she works a lot late
or he / she is suddenly taking trips you can’t go on
or he / she has new hobbies that don’t include you
or mysterious phone calls with hangups
or credit card bills for unexplained hotel stays or gift-type items
or less sex
or he / she is more distant, angry or fussy

If you find out that your partner is cheating on you again, it’s time to protect yourself from any other heartbreak by breaking up with this person. There are wonderful new games waiting right there on your computer screen!

In short, if your partner gets lost, it does not absolutely mean that he will do it again. Once a cheater, always a cheater is not necessarily true. Forgiveness and a new union are possible. If you’ve been betrayed but want to see if it can work, stay tuned for a while and see where the train is going!

You can read about the latest research on cheating and keeping passion and love alive in your relationship in my new book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love.