My husband wanted the separation, but now he constantly tries to check on me
Sometimes I hear from wives who are very confused about their husband’s disruptive behavior during a martial separation. Often, he is the one who initiated the breakup and it seems that he can hardly wait to leave. But as soon as the couple lives apart, the husband suddenly wants to control the wife or seems particularly interested in her daily activities.
I heard from one wife who said, “My husband has been wanting to separate for a while. I tried my best to talk him out of it, but after listening to him insist for months, I finally gave in and agreed to go.” and live with my sister for a while. Since he was so anxious to get rid of me, I really didn’t expect to hear from him, though I knew I would miss him terribly. I only left for two days. , but now he is constantly calling me and wanting to know what I am doing. I answer the phone and the first thing he says is ‘what are you doing’ in an almost accusatory manner. The truth is that I’m not doing anything and I tell you so. Why do you ask? He couldn’t get rid of me fast enough and now it’s like he wants to keep checking on me. What’s going on? I will try to answer these questions in the following article.
I may just be missing you: Men often imagine having all kinds of peace and quiet so they can think. But, sometimes this is simply not the reality. Sometimes the only thing that causes silence is loneliness. And then you may start to wonder if this was such a good idea after all. And he looks around and notices that everything around him reminds him of you. Now, he might make things easier if he just told you all this, but a lot of men won’t. Instead, they will call him and do annoying things like asking what or how he is doing.
He might feel insecure: It is very common for separated spouses to admit that they, at least in part, suspect that their spouse might eventually see other people during the separation. Your spouse could be acting on this suspicion or just looking for reassurance, which brings me to my next point.
It is trying to determine your state of mind: It is common for the spouse who initiated the separation to have a strong suspicion that you will be resentful and angry. Therefore, he may want to stay in close contact to gauge your feelings. He may want to see if your resentment will drive you away. And he may be feeling some remorse for his actions.
Taking some positive implications from these annoying questions: I know this is probably very frustrating. But there are some positive indications here. If she didn’t care at all, she wouldn’t be calling. If he wasn’t thinking about you at all and was living and celebrating his freedom, he wouldn’t be calling either. And since this wife didn’t want the separation in the first place and wanted to save her marriage, hopefully this is good news for her.
How to respond when he keeps calling and asking what you’re doing: First, you have to decide what you really want to happen. And finally, this wife wanted her husband to come home. I know it’s tempting to say something like ‘well, what do you think I’m doing? I’m sitting here looking at my sister and living in a weird place because you made me leave my own house because of your silly breakup,’ but it’s a bad idea. Because you don’t want to dissuade him from getting close to you. Instead, you want to make him want to sign up and initiate contact with you. So as difficult as it may be, try to sound as upbeat as possible. Trying to make him feel guilty is also a wrong decision, because it causes him pain and makes him want to avoid you. That said, you don’t want it to sound like you’re sitting by the phone waiting for him to call. You want him to know that you have too much self-respect for that.
An appropriate response might be something like, “Not really. I’m just hanging out with my sister. We’ll probably go out to dinner in a bit. What are you doing?”
I noticed that he was cheerful and I returned the question. And I alluded to the fact that no one was sitting around waiting. Asking her what she was doing, she leaves it open for him to share her feelings. I could say that he is not doing anything because he is lonely. Or I could say that what he’s really doing is missing you. The point is not to interact with him and not to ask him why he keeps calling you with his stupid questions. Try to stay positive because this really is a good sign. It means that he is interested and that he is getting closer. And not all estranged spouses fall into this category. Some husbands rarely call their wives, let alone care about their experiences or feelings.