Lying in America – Fundamental to the Human Condition?

What has happened? Have we succumbed to habitual self-deception and deception of others out of self-preservation, fear, lack of confidence, or ego? And if so, what harm do we incur in our personal and business lives?

Are we really living in a world that evolves around deception? It seems that the answer is a resounding yes. Surely it would be extremely difficult to find someone who hasn’t lied, to himself or to others, nearly every day of his life.

I suspect that many, who tell the department store clerk “I’ll be back,” with no intention of returning, give little consideration to their deceptive or lying behavior.

If that was just an isolated moment of deception, not much damage would occur. However, lying is widespread in our culture and as such it works quite well for us, helping us to circumvent multiple problems in life and business. It would seem that deception is fundamental to the human condition and is a function that works not just some of the time but most of the time. Or if?

But could we rationalize lying as acceptable on one level and not so acceptable on another? We often hear ourselves in little lies when we are caught red-handed in the cookie jar to exaggerations and intentional lies. As it continues with some sense of curiosity, we can explore innocent deception versus outright criminal deception and the implications that manifest in one’s life.

Studies show that women lie for different reasons than men. Psychologist Robert S. Feldman of the University of Massachusetts Amherst found that women were more likely to lie to make a stranger feel good, and men lie more often to make themselves look good. There have been studies that show that men are more likely to lie about their sexual conquests, while women are less likely to reveal their sexual experiences. The many lies we engage in can seem somewhat innocent and are not just verbal, but take non-verbal forms of deception.

Catch me – Catch me:

These are just a few examples of lying: literally making statements and displaying non-verbal forms of behavior that are simply not true.

• Making exaggerated statements during an interview that are heavily embellished to influence or support the extended resume.
• I’ll call you back, never to answer the phone (procrastination or lie?)
• How about that fake blinking smile with the accompanying statement, “Have a nice day.”
• The lies people tell to gain an advantage or to boost a friend’s self-confidence: Your best friend was fired from his job and told you that you didn’t deserve to be fired when, in fact, he knew that your performance would always be criticized. they were at the lower end of the scale.
• The choreography of deceptive skills to entice a potential partner into sexual activity or a relationship.

It seems that lying will continue to be omnipresent in our lives because it works and helps us reap an advantage in social, professional and economic success.

Self-deception! – Self-harm?

Aldert Vrij, Department of Psychology, University of Portsmouth, UK, in his paper says that “people deceive themselves, a process called self-deception. After failing an exam, students often deceive themselves believing that they couldn’t be motivated enough to fully review for the exam, instead of acknowledging that they don’t understand the subject very well.

Pulling the wool over our eyes has critical ramifications. Let’s put another spin on this concept of lying to ourselves and see how self-deception breeds procrastination.

The mind can distort the perception of deception and trigger procrastination and self-harm. Experts agree that procrastination is unnecessarily procrastinating, postponing, or delaying a timely activity and is a learned behavior. Self-deception in the most innocent form becomes learned behavior and flows into all areas of life.

Lies begin to take on a life of their own, often tricking us into believing them to be true, and because they work, we rely on them.

Example: You are in a retail store admiring a jacket, which you fall in love with, until you see the price. Knowing she can’t afford it, she puts it back on the shelf and, as she starts to leave, tell the vendor she’ll be back; the salesman smiles and you’re on your way, knowing full well that was a lie, an innocent lie, but never the less a lie.

Instead, you have a report due first thing in the morning and your boss stops by your office to remind you. You smile, saying that the report is finished and that it will be on your boss’s desk first thing in the morning. However, that wasn’t the truth, and you’ll be burning midnight oil because you put off reporting for the last week. The next morning you call in sick because you need several more hours to work on the report. Your boss is understanding and gives you a pass until the next day.

Lying worked again, supporting your lying and procrastinating behavior. But self-deception serves to protect your ego and self-esteem to a certain extent. Think of a time when you were turned down for a job or a date. The little lie that may have crept into his explanation when asked why he was turned down was that he wasn’t interested in this person after all, or that the job just didn’t pay enough, so I turned him down. The real reason was that the person was not interested in you and in the job interview you did not qualify (to protect your ego and self-esteem, you lie).

Clients I have worked with over the years come to me with deep-seated fears that are anchored in what they believe to be true about themselves. All of which create compound habits of procrastination, scarcity, and limitation in your life; That doesn’t mean that people who have it all under control don’t lie. By definition, lying is an intentional act. Someone who mistakenly does not tell the truth or believes what he says; he’s not lying A person who mistakenly believes he was shot while driving his car down the road and reports it to the police has made a false report, but they were not lying.

Political lies:

Did President Bush mislead the world and the American people with his reasons for invading Iraq? And John Kerry, who also supported the invasion of Iraq, also lied to the American public? It appears that they both mistakenly believe they were telling the truth based on the anecdotal evidence provided to them.

In contrast: After the Monica Lewinsky scandal broke, President Clinton fiery lied, saying he had never had sex with this woman.

Lies directed towards oneself and lies directed towards others:

“Although no gender differences were found in the frequency of lying, it was observed that men and women tend to tell different lies” – Aldert Vrij. Regardless, self-deception in any form, believing that one is less than one is, is detrimental to the full actualization of a person’s true capacity and potential in life.

Example: Self-deception (self-oriented lies) that occurs in a person who believes that under any conditions he will fail an upcoming exam based on his historical past, engages in procrastination and avoids what is necessary to take the exam, which prevents the individual from Reach your goal.

Other selfish lies that many engage in are:

• Hiding information by avoiding questions from others – when you ask your 14-year-old son or daughter if they smoke and they respond with a question – does mom/dad really think I smoke?
• A wife hides her opinion when her husband asks about her sexual satisfaction.
• Many people fear rejection and often try to please others by avoiding giving their opinion on an issue, thus lying, hiding or avoiding a situation.

Many irrational fears are fostered from self-delusion, leading to anxiety, hopelessness, anger, lack of confidence, and low self-esteem.

The consequences of self-deception and lying may not always be the same. Lying under oath will have stronger consequences than lying about how many dates you had this month. Regardless, the true consequence of lying, even if it has worked for you many times, becomes a habit, many habits that can lead to procrastination and self-destruction.