Home For the Holidays – Family Dynamics and the Art of Compromise
It’s time to go home for the holidays. Ever since you went to college, you come and go as you please. Eat and sleep when you feel like it, and don’t tell anyone. Now is the time to meet up with old friends, party until dawn, and sleep all day. It’s the perfect way to loosen up before getting back into the college grind, right? Right?
Unfortunately, this lifestyle will not sit well with most families. Demonstrate that newfound maturity by being considerate of others — after all, vacations are for family. Of course, it’s important to spend time catching up with friends; just be sure to schedule some quality time with the ‘rents’. Remember, you can get back to living the independent lifestyle soon enough. The following tips will help college students communicate effectively and come up with a plan to make the holidays fun and relaxing for the whole family.
COMPLY WITH THE PROGRAM
Guardian parents will generally have a harder time adjusting. Naturally protective, Guardians need to make sure you are safe and sound. It is important to maintain customs and traditions; be sure to make time to participate in family events. Here are some more tips:
Keep parents informed of your schedule, especially when plans change.
Ask ahead of time which family events are the most important and be sure to attend.
Cook dinner for the family, help clean the house, or offer to run errands. Ultimately, it contributes to the family dynamic, showing that you can carry your weight.
DO NOT FENCE ME
Fun-loving artisan parents have fewer adjustment problems, as people with this temperament enjoy spontaneity and ‘living in the moment’. But expect some backlash if you flaunt your newfound freedom, as they may feel it affects their own freedom. Pleasing artisan parents:
Spending time with the family doing what they like and/or taking the initiative and inviting them to do something.
Include mom and dad on an outing with friends – crafters can be so much fun!
Confirm when the police will be called, then be sure to check in before a search party is formed.
A LITTLE GIVE AND TAKE
Rational parents usually don’t invoke many rules in the first place. However, if you were raised by Rationals, you know how strong they can be. Expect to have a miserable vacation if you get involved in a battle of wills over something they feel is critical.
Keep the peace with these tips:
Ask your opinion about something. Rational parents may fear that children will no longer respect them after they leave home for college.
If parents start laying down the law, try to find out what really bothers them. He apologizes and suggests a compromise.
TELL ME ABOUT IT
Idealistic parents are often the best psychologically equipped for change. However, just like the Guardians, they really need to know that you’re okay. Disappearing for 24 hours without checking in will leave parents worried and/or angry. If your father is an idealist:
Plan to spend some time just talking. Your father is dying to know what’s going on in your head and how you’re mentally maturing. Keep the family informed of your overall plans and updated on any moderate or major changes.
Still not convinced? Think of it this way: It’s rude to show up at someone’s house, eat their food (forage when necessary), and enjoy the comforts, when one can’t tell the hosts the time of day. In this case, any parent, regardless of his temperament, is likely to feel hurt, rejected, or angry. So this year, why not consider a special gift for the people who made it happen? Spend some quality family time, who knows, you might even have a good time! For more information on temperament and to take the free Keirsey Temperament Sorter, please visit keirsey.com.