Don’t put yourself “for sale” in a relationship
You marry at the level of your self-esteem. – Marie Osmond
It is not uncommon for single women to be told that they need to lower their expectations or standards in order to meet an eligible man. Women are told to be more realistic. However, I have found that often the greatest danger is that many women are willing to settle for much less than they deserve.
Recently, a friend told me that she once had a great, long list of what she expected of a man, but now she had decided that a suitable man would only need to have two qualifications. He would need to work and breathe. We laughed a lot, but it was actually a bit depressing to hear this from my very accomplished and beautiful friend.
In her book “Women and Money,” financial guru Suze Orman passionately tells women, “Don’t put yourself up for sale.”
It speaks of women who put themselves “for sale” in their professional or financial life. However, how could you do this in relationships?
Here are some examples:
* Not valuing enough about yourself.
* Not having strict limits on what is and is not acceptable.
* Not expressing your true feelings.
* Don’t ask for what you want and need.
* Not being able to receive compliments, kindness or gifts from others.
* Being too focused on meeting the needs of others.
* Allowing someone to speak to you in a hurtful or disrespectful way.
* Discounting your own needs or feelings.
* Do not let someone know when they have hurt you.
* Retaining your preferences.
* Not making time to nourish.
* Sacrifice what you really want or need.
* Settling for less than you deserve.
* Thinking that a suboptimal relationship is the best you can hope for.
* Leave everything to be available for a man.
* Be the pursuer or do all the work in a relationship.
* Staying in a relationship that leaves you feeling drained, insecure, or often disappointed.
* Feeling as if you are struggling to justify or explain your partner’s actions in order to convince yourself to stay in a relationship.
* Not knowing when to walk away from a painful or suboptimal relationship.
* Not believing that you deserve to be loved and appreciated by someone wonderful.
Now, I realize that commitment and giving are also part of any relationship. However, many women are willing to give to the point that it can actually be detrimental to them and deplete them of their natural feminine attributes.
It is important in a relationship with a man that a woman is in a receptive place a good part of the time. Men like to please women who matter to them and adore women who can enjoy and appreciate their “gifts.”