Coping with the death of a child on the first anniversary

The first anniversary of your child’s death is very difficult, as are many other “firsts.” Above all, parents do not want their child to be forgotten. Many go out of their way to make sure this doesn’t happen, particularly on the first birthday or anniversary after death and beyond.

An insight from a grieving mother, who desperately needed to do something special for her son Scott’s birthday eight months after his death, shows one way she celebrated his life. She organized a birthday party for him and recorded the entire event so that she would have something to remember and always remember. She invited Scott’s close friends and some of her own who had known Scott all her life. She asked each person to bring a souvenir story about Scott. It can be a serious or funny story or a combination of both.

In the weeks leading up to the party, she went through the photos she had, chose about 50 of them, and put together a slideshow with music to show to guests. She also put up many scrapbooks that she had and displayed items from Scott’s life in the main room: his awards, his football jersey, her graduation photo of him, etc. Friends appreciated seeing items that remind them of times spent together.

This mom also chose a special image and used it to make t-shirts for all the guests. When she arrived, she distributed them and asked the guest to put on his shirt for the celebration.

She cooked Scott’s favorite food: hamburgers and onion rings and made a black forest birthday cake, another favorite, with ice cream. When everyone finished eating, stories of remembrance were told and then given a small piece of paper to write a short message to Scott and attach to a helium balloon. In the backyard, a poem that the mother wrote was read and the release of a balloon sent all the messages to heaven.

He ended the party with a short speech about how he appreciated everyone coming and that he hoped this was the start of something good that each of them could do each year on Scott’s birthday to help others and lovingly remember their loved one. dude. Everyone was encouraged to visit a children’s hospital with small gifts of stuffed animals, make a donation to an organization in Scott’s name, start a scholarship at the school he attended, donate blood to help others, simply light a candle on that special day or any other idea of ​​your choice.

This was his way of celebrating Scott’s life and encouraging his friends to find good in this horrific tragedy. He could only hope that his words would find a place in each of his hearts.

As for me, I always go to the cemetery on that day, bring flowers and talk to my daughter, telling her how much I and her husband and friends miss her. A mother I know has held an annual golf tournament ever since her son had been playing the sport. Another is involved with MADD and speaks to high school students about drinking and driving, and yet another has started an online memorial page where others can go and leave messages and memories. Friends may want to get together and plant a tree in her name and maybe even place a plaque in the area. There are many things one can do.

Save everything that was sent or given to you after your child’s death, so you can look back with loving thoughts. Best of all, reach out to others who are grieving and you will find that it will help you in your grievance process as well.