Conversations about Nathaniel that help
UNITING is at the heart of shared loss in a community that cares.
I put a lady who had lost her baby hours after he was born. Like us, they knew the loss trajectory they were on; that the inevitable light at the end of the tunnel, a freight train, was coming and what was coming could not be stopped. We shared the numbing, raucous moments of waiting for the inevitable moment to come. How would it be? Will we bend under the weight of it? Will we be enough for our partners? And would we be able to sustain ourselves in the vast cosmos of grievances that would ensue?
I spoke with a grandfather about the loss of a baby of one of his children. The baby died at just over 24 weeks gestation, which means that, from a legal point of view, a funeral had to be arranged. A young mother who was distraught beyond words had to put up with something no one should have to put up with: all the focus and attention at the wrong time for the wrong reasons. But such things attract us to love. They make us trust God more. We agreed that the fact that we were talking about this was a unifying thing; and may we all pray for this young family and indeed for my family.
The fact that we have experienced something very painful, but made so much easier by our faith in God and His abundant grace through the plethora of prayer we received, that others have also faced, unites us in love.
This is much cause for celebration.
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What a great power it is to share our experience, to be heard and to receive the empathy that God knows we deserve. Power is doubled when we have the opportunity to encourage the person who listened to us.
When those who have suffered similar things meet in conversation, healing can occur. Not through advice, not through judgment. But through the simple sharing of experiences, we can hear ourselves speak, give voice to our emotions, and open the door to God’s healing.
We are stronger, not weaker, for talking about our losses, especially when we talk to those similarly affected.
Speak freely, walk gracefully and sit in our pain; these are great aids to the healing process of the grievance we experience in our losses.
© 2015 SJ Wickham.