14 things not to say to people with depression
Are you familiar with the phrase “People with depression just feel sorry for themselves”?
The statement is not only false, but can be a cruel thing to say!
It is never a good idea to make a blanket statement about anyone with any type of condition! Statements like that are usually born from misunderstandings and/or misinformation. It’s really unfortunate, because if someone is depressed and people around them put them down for their condition, put-downs can actually make their experience worse.
In my own experience of being depressed, beginning in childhood and continuing for 38 years into adulthood, when family or friends put me down or made fun of my condition, it felt hurtful and unpleasant. I felt like people saying things like that didn’t really care as a loved one (family member or friend). Over time, the continued hurtful comments created distance in my relationships with them and eventually I stopped relating to them. It was my way of protecting and shielding myself, simply eliminating being subject to their judgment and mockery.
Depression is a real condition
While doctors and therapists may not know the exact source(s) of depression, there are two general causes for the experience of depression, physical or non-physical (emotional and/or mental). In any case, someone with depression will need to DO and CHANGE something in her situation to improve and/or eliminate the depression. And getting over depression usually takes a bit of time, so for the people in your lives, learning how to deal with the depression of loved ones can be extremely helpful on the road to creating a life full of happiness.
listening is key
The good news is that there are many ways to relate to someone with depression without being overwhelmed by their sadness, which means you don’t have to be depressed as well to be able to relate to that person. What someone with depression really needs is kind, loving, nonjudgmental support from people they trust. Sometimes all you need to do is just listen to them without giving any feedback except encouragement and kindness.
However, if someone with depression opens up and starts talking to you about their problems, but you don’t feel comfortable with the details they’re sharing, then you can sweetly and gently offer to help them find a therapist or trained professional who knows how to do it. . To help them better than you, let them know you’re uncomfortable, gently and gently, without harsh comments or teasing to drive them away. Let them know you want what’s best for them and you’ll help them get what they need and not be afraid to seek the right help.
What can you do?
To support someone in your life with depression, you can start by developing a kind and objective perspective on their situation. Remind yourself that someone with depression is really a very strong individual because they have lived through whatever it is that has led them to become depressed, and because of that (even if they don’t understand it), they already have all the tools they need within themselves to solve the problem. depression. They don’t need someone to ‘fix’ them, they just need to CHANGE their health and/or their way of thinking that has caused the depression.
Healing in the presence of love
What someone with depression usually wants from others is to feel connected to loving people who don’t hurt them like they have in the past (don’t they?). And, above all, they want to stop hurting, but they don’t know how, that’s why they are trapped in their depression. They don’t know what they don’t know!
By learning how to relate to someone with depression, your relationship with them can stay intact without drifting away and even help them with their recovery.
The following lists are things not to say to people with depression and statements of support that can be encouraging to someone with depression.
14 things not to say to people with depression
(Yes, the people I loved actually said these things to me!)
• You only feel sorry for yourself.
• It’s just a phase you’re going through.
• Your depression will go away on its own.
• Stay away from me, depression is contagious.
• Re crazy.
• You will never be happy.
• You are a loser.
• What is your problem!?
• You have problems.
• You have no friends, no one wants to be near you.
• If you are depressed, you are weak.
• Only women get depressed.
• There is something wrong with you.
• You are worthless, you are lazy and a burden to be with you.
You get the idea… if it hurts, don’t think about it and don’t say it!
Statements of support and encouragement for someone with depression
• I’m here if you need someone to talk to and I’ll just listen.
• I can’t fix your situation or your past, but I’m here to listen if you need to talk.
• How can I support you? (be prepared to clarify how you feel about supporting them, or offer to refer them and help them find the right person who can do so)
• I’m not comfortable hearing the details of your situation, but you might want to consider finding a professional to talk to. I’ll be happy to help you find someone you can trust.
• No matter what has happened to you in the past, the person I know, who you are now, is an amazing and wonderful person. I am so glad to meet you and have you in my life.
• You are incredibly strong and brave for what you went through. I encourage you to learn how to put your past in its place and move on with the amazing life that I know you can create, because you are so amazing, just know that you can do anything you put your mind to.
• Remind them that they are the only person who can change their lives and that when they are ready, you will be there to support them to the best of your ability.
• Keep choosing lifestyles that make you stronger, not weaker. You deserve it!
• Depression can be temporary if you want it to be. Keep moving towards the path of love!