Eden Regained – Lighting the Flame of Relationships

Someone recently wrote questioning the value of Human Design principles.

Why do we need to know what type we are? What value does it have for our personal journey?

Surely you need to work on relationships, that’s what relationship is.

In that article I wrote that “the deepest healing potential is available within a relationship.” The truth is, we are all here to relate to each other in some way, so let’s understand and make the best use of that relationship. Let’s use that growth potential by understanding it rather than digging deeper and deeper into misunderstandings until finally two well-adjusted people just can’t go any further. Know the difference between when the power has ended and when there is still a spark of hope.

Perhaps some people believe in perpetual suffering. Anyone with a defined emotional center, the solar plexus, will be caught up in the roller coaster of life, in pain and suffering, as well as in the joy, delight, and wonder of life. They see life from both perspectives, but do we really need to be stuck in it if we are not one of those people? We can learn to see what is happening and take a step back. This helps create a healthy relationship.

Other people believe that life revolves around them. And maybe it will. If you are born on a “right angle cross”, then life revolves around you. You really are not too interested in the other. But some of those others need people like you. This is your Cross of Incarnation, which gives the influence of the Sun and the Earth at the time of your birth and 88 days before birth when our genes impact us for the first time. Did you know that? Our genes have two points of influence, first 88 days before birth and then at the time of our birth. Nothing happens by accident. People born at “left angle crosses” only see the other; They have no idea of ​​their own personal destiny, of their own journey; your own needs. It doesn’t matter if those people with the right-angled cross are who you’re married to, who you work with, or just your friends. You still need to have them in your life.

Knowing even this very simple piece brings more harmony to a relationship. Imagine if you knew more. If you know you are married to someone who has those definite solar plexus ups and downs. What if you don’t have the same? Do you know how to deal with those lows? Do you know how to respond when everything you do is wrong? Do you know that with these people there is no truth at the moment? Or do you suffer all the time, walking away and never solving the problem? Do you wonder what is happening? Did your parents fight? How did you handle those moments? Did you hide, or did you just not even notice those ups and downs?

You need to work on relationships, but not forever, and not with one party numb or giving way to the other. Not so that you have to create rigid strategies to deal with unpleasant moments. I’ve seen so many unbalanced relationships where it works well because one partner can always win while the other lets that person be in control. We call this “understanding” each other. I have also seen the couple who silently agree to keep the peace flourish when that relationship ends.

When a man describes his marriage by saying “We have never had an argument in our married life,” it is because he has dominated his wife and she has become numb just to keep the peace. Or vice versa.

There are many reasons why relationships don’t last and why they aren’t meant to last. Our genes have a purpose and that is to mutate. They love change, they love to be different. They want to evolve. The human mind, however, cares about change. People like the familiar; they like things to stay the same. They “know where they are” and this simplifies life. The same old family routine feels safe. Our genes link two very different people together so that they can use those differences to mutate. We are designed to mutate and change, to move on; evolve. But as long as we resist change, we will continue to live in fear. The two people may not choose to stay together once the incoming souls have arrived. Mutation has been allowed; The work is done. There is nothing sentimental about evolution. There is simply attraction.

We live in a world that keeps us living in our adrenal glands. That is why we seek those safe places in our lives. And when we find security we stick to it, rigidly. Just what our genes hate, so they eventually pull us out of our safe place. This is the world we live in now. We are governed by our mind; we have no idea. We are drawn like a moth to the flame, to where there is safety, even if it is not healthy for us, even if it kills us.

There is security in not knowing. There is security in not understanding each other. Nobody is perfect; it is something in progress, something we can work on. It gives the mind something to focus on, our growth process. Is that what we are really here to do: use struggle as a growth process?

There is a different way. We can be part of that process of change that our genes yearn for. We can engage with it rather than resist it. We can understand it. We can discover the joys and beauty of life, of being in one body for life. The journey is our journey, our experience, and through our relationships with others, we can make it a better experience. We can gain much more from life when we are in a healthy and good relationship than when we use our energy to focus on the work necessary to strengthen a relationship that may never be right.

Knowing the map is one way. It is a simple way. It has answers beyond what we seek. It has depth beyond our first impressions. It means that we can begin to live our real purpose, because, yes, the map shows us our purpose. When we know our purpose, we say “Is that what I’m here to do? That’s so easy, it’s what I already do.” When you do what you’re already doing, you can do it without those little doubts that come to mind that say, “Shouldn’t I be working harder instead of doing what I love?” We are so good at sabotaging ourselves and making life more difficult. The map will show you all of your self-sabotage patterns and you will not only learn to work on your own private relationship, but also how you relate to the world. We all have our own personal routes to escape from ourselves; some are even secret to our conscious mind.

When you first come across the map and have your first read, you discover how hard you’ve worked to improve what it shouldn’t be. We all live as what is called the “not me” and we continue to improve the “not me”, sometimes even with the help of a psychiatrist. Are we then really relating to our loved ones, or is it our “not-me” that relates to their “not-me”? So, with our improved “not-me”, do we like each other more or tolerate each other more?

What we gain from knowing ourselves deeply is authenticity. You can’t help but like someone authentic. You never dance with someone who is authentic, wondering if you could say the wrong thing, misinterpret what they are saying. You never have to be on guard. It just doesn’t matter. Whatever you do it just doesn’t matter. Nothing is taken personally and no judgments are made. After a while, you realize why you are meant to be together. Find your common purpose and life takes on a much deeper meaning than the pain of healed wounds.

I have a 19 year old son who is a computer whiz. He often says to me “There is an easier way to do that, Mom.” I have learned a lot and he has made my life easier by allowing him to teach me in his own way. His “Cross of the Incarnation” is the “Cross of Eden”. Resistance to change is the biggest barrier to living our real life; Let’s all try to bring Heaven to Earth and create our own Garden of Eden.

Phylipa Dinnen