Weird Penis Tricks: World Records, Party Feats, And More

Over the millennia, humanity has compiled an excellent list of achievements: from agriculture to civilization, from the automobile to modern medicine, to rapid social and technological progress, the human race can rate itself as a highly accomplished species. Among all these other high-tone achievements, the lesser-known, but no less amazing, achievements of the human body itself are also worth mentioning. These weird penis tricks and feats are sure to raise anyone’s respect for humanity, or at least raise an eyebrow or two. Better yet, with the right approach to penis care, readers may find that they can make their own mark when it comes to penis fame.

Penis World Records

First, the most impressive penis world records are reviewed.

1) The largest and smallest human penis.. In terms of sheer proportion, humans are relatively well endowed, with an average flaccid penis of about 2.5 inches and 5-6 inches when erect. However, there are extreme variations in size, in both directions. The largest penis ever officially recorded was a whopping 13.5 inches when erect, and the smallest was only 39 inches.

2) Longer ejaculation distance. This record, obtained in one form or another, reaches 18 feet. Millions of men are currently working hard to do better.

3) Faster ejaculation speed. The fastest ejaculation comes to 42.7 miles per hour. Talk about a hose.

4) The largest collection of full penises. This would be the Phallological Museum of Iceland, which contains intact penises and various parts of the penis.

5) Longer masturbation session. Nine hours, 58 minutes and a lot of lube.

6) Greater number of partners in a single day. The jury is still out on this, as multiple claims have been made, but the number seems to stay around 102 for a man.

Cultural and entertainment spaces

For those who are tired of weeks and years of boring movies, Broadway musicals, sporting events, and other yawns like that, penis puppets offer a novel and fascinating form of entertainment. Popularized by Melbourne, Australia duo Simon Morley and David “Friendly” Friend, this unique form of entertainment involves two guys, naked, on stage, performing various comedic maneuvers and contortions with their own flesh puppets.

Party tricks that impress

For those who can’t travel to Melbourne to witness these professionals at work, a little practice at home with a mirror can help any guy hone his own puppet skills. Some popular party tricks include bending and twisting the penis into various animal shapes, including dogs, cats, bears, bats, and (of course) elephants.

How to care for the trophy winner

Whether a man is willing to break any of the world records outlined here, or he just wants some party hacks for the next boys’ night out, frat party, family reunion, or whatever, proper penis care is essential to ensure the team is ready for its debut. After all, puppet tricks with a scaly, reddened, and wrinkled limb are less likely to impress than those performed with a soft, flexible tool. To achieve that camera-ready glow, men must follow a tripartite process.

1) Manscaping – A must for those who want to show off their package in all its glory. With a sharp pair of scissors, a new razor, or an electric razor, men should carefully remove hair to a level that highlights the penis in the best way. For longer hair, it is best to trim it first, before applying a razor. Take care to tighten the skin to avoid cutting into those delicate folds.

2) Spa treatment – a big no-brainer. Start by soaking the manhood in a warm bath, not too hot, to prevent it from drying out and reddening. Remove the foreskin, if still attached, to absorb the smegma underneath. Wash off entire treatment with a mild cleanser, rinse, and towel dry.

3) Hydrate – While skin is still warm and radiant from bathing, apply a high-quality moisturizing penis formula. A specialized penis health cream (health professionals recommend Man 1 Man Oil) it’s a good bet. Vitamins, amino acids, antioxidants, and emollients that are formulated with penis skin in mind are quickly absorbed, and they go straight to work to make sure the star of the show is ready for the next performance.