How to Maintain Healthy Relationships: A Must Read!
Most people treat dating and relationships like a sport, a fun hobby, or a cheap toy that you play with when you’re bored, then put it aside when you’re done. But this “casual style” of dating is impossible for an emotionally stable person. Let me tell you why! When you kiss, hold hands, or have sex, intense amounts of hormones: dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin flood the brain. These hormones make us feel intense bursts of pleasure, reduce anxiety, and help us feel emotionally attached to each other. These hormones exist in nature to encourage reproduction and keep families together. When we separate, we go through a physical withdrawal from these hormones because our brain no longer receives them.
During a breakup, your brain frantically tells you to return to that source of pleasure by sending you anxious joys and sometimes even physical pain. If they get back together, the hormones return, the feeling of extreme panic disappears, and relaxation returns. In fact, getting back together can be an exciting time, just like when you first met, your dopamine levels will skyrocket! However, this does not mean that the relationship is fixed. The rush and excitement of getting back together will wear off after a while, and the issues that caused the breakup in the beginning will eventually resurface. If these issues are not addressed, another breakout is likely to occur 1-6 months later.
Relationships can be amazing. Dating can be a huge thrill of excitement! It’s wonderful to have a partner to share your ups and downs with. But, they are not a game. The emotional, financial and physical health of people is at stake. It is a huge responsibility. People who are in loving marriages tend to live 5 to 10 years longer than single people. However, those who experience a divorce or major breakup are 3 to 6 times more likely to commit suicide and twice as likely to file for bankruptcy. The notion that “love can heal, but love can kill” is certainly true in this perspective.
So before you join a dating app, before you ask that girl for her number, before you decide to have sex for the first time, before you decide to cheat on your boyfriend or girlfriend… ask yourself a few questions.
1. Am I prepared for the consequences of my actions?
2. Am I emotionally ready for a committed relationship?
3. Is it possible that my current actions will destroy my life or someone else’s?
4. Am I ready to let go of the freedom of being single?
5. Am I aware of the benefits of being in a committed relationship or am I just trying to have fun right now?
6. Am I aware of the potential challenges of being in a committed relationship?
7. Am I emotionally prepared to handle a breakup?
And more important…
“Do I really know what I want?”
Knowing what you want is key! If you are 100% sure that you just want sex, don’t lie and say that you want to get married to get it. If you only like tall guys, don’t date a short guy just because you’re lonely and he’s available (*until you can meet a tall guy). These are all horrible strategies that will only lead to humiliation. you and your partner.
If you are willing to go beyond your preferences and give someone a chance, go for it! But as always, take it easy and be honest about how you feel. Once you have sex, kiss or start trading in any physical intimacy, you will make things much more complicated. The moral of the story is: “Don’t eat something until you know what it is, or you may end up eating something poisonous!”
Relationships and sex can be very exciting and fun, but that intense feeling of “high” only lasts 6 months to a year at best. A real relationship is not just passionate sex and taking trips together, it also involves disagreements, occasional arguments and communication skills.
Not everyone is programmed to be in a traditional monogamous relationship. Some have only been with one person their entire lives. Others smoke. Some love tattoos, others think they are “trash”. None of these preferences is “wrong” per se, but in order to bond effectively and create harmonious relationships with other humans, we must communicate our desires in a way that mutually dictates the direction of a relationship, whether it leans toward a commitment of for life as marriage. , a chance meeting, or a mutual separation.
All choices come with consequences — pros and cons!
Casual hookups can be physically pleasurable and convenient, but they leave you at risk of disease and emotional dissatisfaction from the sexual act.
Marriage can create strong partnerships and feelings of security, but it can take a lot of time and energy.
Breakups can be liberating and allow you to embark on new adventures, but they can be emotionally devastating and financially costly.
Dating, marriage and breakups are games of strategy and require a balanced mix of flexibility, a positive attitude, planning and an open mind.
As a man in my thirties, I have been on the side of all the specters. I have been faithful, unfaithful, I have broken up and they have left me. I have felt it all. Entering my thirties and not yet married, I have made a firm commitment to myself that I will—-
A. Respect myself in all matters.
B. Respect my partner in all matters
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C. Require a plan of action when I issue the pardon.
D. Take responsibility when you act foolish and be willing to meet demands to ensure it doesn’t happen again.
F. When dating, maintain my individuality but always be aware that I am part of a “team.” Adopt a team mentality. It is not me VS you, but US against the problem.
G. Maintain an honest and open dialogue. Things are not resolved if both parties are not heard. Put everything on the table and try to compromise if you can’t get 100% of what you want. Meet in the middle.
H. Work on healing past scars. Childhood trauma, addictions, sexual deviation, distrust of others: try to solve these problems before starting a relationship. If you are dealing with any of this in a relationship, don’t hide it from your partner, ask for their help and let’s get through it together. Remember, the problem is America, not me against you.
I hope this guide has helped you. Hopefully, by abiding by these rules, you can refrain from hurting yourself and others, mend a broken relationship or learn to accept a failed one, and stop repeating the same behaviors in your next relationship.
No matter what stage of life you are in, single, in a relationship, happily married, divorced or struggling in a failed relationship, just know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There are other people who are as happy as you or as sad as you at any given time. There are more than 7 billion people on Earth! Your feelings, no matter how good or bad they are, always have merit. Depending on the sentiment, we may need additional advice or help, but wanting to change for the better or being grateful for what you already have are strong indicators of a bright future ahead.
Good luck! And remember what the Bible says in the book of Matthew.
“Whoever does not know love, does not know God, because God is love.”